By Kartik Bajoria
Independence Day 2019: This August 15 marks one more celebration of India’s independence. A momentous event on which your entire nation, 1.three billion individuals come collectively as one and pay homage to the nation, to the women and men who fought for our freedom. A democratic union which enshrines a Structure for the individuals and by the individuals, holding sacred, values reminiscent of freedom of speech, thought and expression. Having stated that, at the present time could function a reminder of how fortunate we’re as a individuals, we should additionally, particularly as adults citing a brand new technology of younger Indians, study, and follow, a deeper which means of freedom, by giving our youngsters the independence to be themselves, to study, uncover, develop and develop as they select, and to assist them. It’s on this vein that I, as a guardian, interpret the true essence of freedom. And I hope that the few insights I am about to share, are sides of parenting that readers will ponder critically.
Independence from patriarchy
Whereas our nation might need gained independence a number of many years in the past, there are societal evils that we proceed to be held hostage to. From a parenting perspective, one of many worst impacts on a baby is by the hands of the long-standing patriarchy that exists in our society. The blatantly larger standing accorded to the male intercourse, be it a baby, or an grownup, has skewed Indian society and robbed us of any equal rights. One hears on a regular basis, even is aware of personally, of numerous examples of how deeply embedded patriarchy results in biased and unfair remedy of woman youngsters.
Throughout the identical household as an example, whereas the male little one might be supported, inspired, and despatched overseas for larger schooling, the woman little one can have been persistently brainwashed, ‘trained’ to remain house, rehearse being a ‘good’ homemaker and denied that very same schooling, publicity, and alternative (although she is probably going extra deserving than the male little one)! This type of one-sided outlook exists not simply in pockets of Indian society; sadly, it’s a pan-India phenomenon straddling rural in addition to city sectors. As dad and mom to India’s subsequent technology, we owe it to ourselves and to them, to treatment the wrongs of our predecessors, and disrupt this patriarchy by granting true freedom to every one.
Freedom to discover, uncover and make errors
As dad and mom, albeit well-meaning, our actions usually hamper the pure progress and improvement of our youngsters. With out even realising it, we typically push our youngsters in direction of sure profession selections. This begins with ‘helping’ them select their topics in larger grades, ‘helping’ merely being a euphemism for ‘directing’, gently. The identical sort of overbearing presence is felt in most all essential sides of a kid’s life. Of their later years, we frequently dominate and select life companions for our children, decide when and what number of youngsters they are going to have; essentially the most important choices that must be made solely by a person, are made by Indian dad and mom. That strikes me as moderately odd and regressive.
We additionally place the caveat when questioned, that these unilateral choices which can be being made by us on behalf of our children, is to assist them keep away from making errors, or getting damage. Isn’t the entire level of life to stay and study? To stumble, fall and rise up? To study from one’s personal errors? To search out one’s personal path via trial and error? The very purpose to stay is to expertise one’s personal particular person journey, not have the whole lot prescribed or preselected and arrive at a vacation spot chosen by another person. Maybe this Independence Day is a chance for us dad and mom to reassess the surroundings we create and provides our youngsters. To actually settle for them it doesn’t matter what and allow them to be.
Freedom from the burden of obligation
The ultimate behavioural sample with most Indian dad and mom that, I imagine, vastly hampers the spirit of freedom and discovery amongst our youngsters is the fixed, aware or unconscious, weight of obligations that almost all youngsters really feel. As dad and mom, we seldom miss a possibility to remind our youngsters of the immense sacrifices we’ve made for them. Or how onerous we’ve labored for them to benefit from the large privileges they do, be it the sort of schooling they obtain, the kind and frequency of holidays they take, or the sort of entry they must ‘things’.
Whereas we could also be doing this to instill a way of gratitude and out of fear that they’ll take us or their blessed life as a right, what we maybe don’t realise is that within the discount, normally, all this may create a really high-pressure state of affairs for the kid. With the already-existing race for high marks and strain from peer-groups to be cool and fit-in, youngsters are plagued with stress as it’s. We pile it on additional by at all times asserting to them, how a lot ‘we’ have finished for them. If solely we may ease off on this incessant asserting, youngsters can develop up infinitely extra relaxed and their choices, when it comes to schooling and profession, is not going to be a results of having to construct a sure sort of life that’s commensurate with the dad and mom’ expectations.
Independence Day must be about true freedom. We’d stay in a nation that’s free from international rule however we’re nonetheless grappling with our personal inside demons that maintain not simply us hostage, but additionally adversely influence our youngsters. Allow us to take a honest have a look at our personal parenting philosophies and present our youngsters the true essence of independence.
(Kartik Bajoria is a author, educator and moderator.)