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Sometimes I marvel why everybody isn’t getting hacked all the time. We’re all so dangerous at safety, and there are such a lot of individuals who know the way to abuse it! And then I keep in mind that we are getting hacked all the time.

Companies commonly dangle all our residence addresses and passwords and cellphone numbers and bank card data out in the open, and somebody grabs it. The firms attempt to disguise it, however somebody finds out, and the firms electronic mail out some not-even-trying excuse. To cease us from suing, they provide free credit score monitoring. Free credit score monitoring is the new ideas and prayers.

So after you verify the morning’s contemporary updates from Have I Been Pwned?, check out this jokey excuse generator for knowledge breaches: Why the Fuck Was I Breached? generates mad-libbed explanations for imagined knowledge breaches, combining hackery phrases to explain the hack, the wrongdoer, and the insufficient response from the firm that didn’t shield your knowledge. You’ll get excuses like:

The fucking expertise whiz youngsters used unprecedented XSS vulnerabilities to pressure us to launch this report.

But we’ve since watched the film Hackers eight instances again to again, so it can by no means occur once more.


The fucking overseas belongings used cyborg bees to breach our excessive safety servers.

But we’ve since put a rotating lock GIF on our web site, so it can by no means occur once more.

To generate one other excuse, click on the huge blue button that claims “Equifax already fucking used that one.”

Why the Fuck Was I Breached? (through Pinboard)

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