With hair salons and barbershops closing across the United States to sluggish the unfold of Covid-19, it’s not a attain to say this unusual new actuality will drive many people to take private grooming into our personal palms.
This led me to the choice to discover ways to lower my personal hair, and I’ll give the tl;dr up high: it didn’t go properly. My haircut sucks out loud — and naturally it does, seeing as how I don’t know learn how to lower hair.
Let’s begin in the beginning.
Meet my hair
My hair is thick and curly and requires a haircut each three weeks. The form of hair that appears like a Brillo pad should you run your hand by means of it. It doesn’t at all times seem like it wants cutting on the skin, however belief me, as an individual who has to put on it each day, it does.
The provides I had readily available for this enterprise had been restricted at finest. I wielded a hair brush, a hand mirror and a small buzzer I usually use on the facial hair I fake to have. My purpose was to chop the edges brief, depart the highest lengthy and fade the distinction like my barber often does.
Here’s the place I went flawed.
1. I lower my hair too brief
I needed to chop my hair as brief as potential as a result of it grows rapidly and I didn’t need to hold having to buzz it. This was a grave mistake.
I went with my buzzer’s 1mm blade choice, and inside two seconds I knew I was gonna be Going Through It on-line for a bit. I principally have stubble on the edges of my noggin; it’s so brief you may even see the bizarre traces I’ve acquired on my head.
It’s dangerous. It’s uneven. And there isn’t any repair.
My roommate tried to assist me mix the distinction between the highest of my head and the edges however it was hopeless. “You look like you’re wearing a toupee,” she mentioned, recording all of it for her Snapchat. “Matt, it looks like you’re wearing a hat.”
Tip: Whatever buzzer quantity you assume you need to use, go increased. The decrease the quantity, the extra hair will get lower.
2. You have to let another person assist with the again of your head
I tried to buzz my means by means of the ache by doing the identical unspeakable injury to the again of my head as I did to the edges and it was a catastrophe. Turns out it’s actually tough to carry a hand mirror with one hand and lower your hair with the opposite, so I sorta simply did it blind.
Again, I discourage this.
My reply to this was to run the buzzer forwards and backwards till I was left a head of uneven stubble.
My roommate provided to assist, however I needed to do that myself and dwell with my errors. I was adamant about this.
Until she confirmed me what the again of my head seemed like.
I handed her the buzzer, however at that time it was too late.
Tip: Let your roommate/partner/whomever show you how to with the again of your head. If you don’t have somebody quarantining with you, I’m so sorry. But you’ll be okay. It’s simply hair.
3. Let the hair on the highest of your head keep lengthy
This might be the one a part of my haircut I didn’t screw up.
Tip: Be extraordinarily light with the highest of your head.
4. Watch out on your ear
I didn’t assume this could be an issue till I hit the 10-minute mark of my journey and swiped the within of my ear with the buzzer. “We’ve got a bleeder,” I mentioned to myself, having already buzzed my head to oblivion with nothing left to lose.
I was fortunate. The ear-blood solely continued for a couple of minutes.
Tip: WATCH YOUR EARS
5. Don’t put on a sweater whereas cutting your individual hair
This feels self-explanatory.
Tip: You’ll get roasted on-line should you do that.
Why wouldn’t you’re taking your shirt off?!
— Clay Sauertieg (@ByCSauertieg) March 20, 2020
I assume you’re gonna have a tough time cleansing that sweater.
— Robert Ham (@roberthamwriter) March 20, 2020
Why on earth did you retain the sweater on
— John Heinze (@adlubescence) March 20, 2020
Poor choice to do it whereas sporting a sweater.
— Greg Skipper (@gskip) March 20, 2020
6. Have enjoyable
Your haircut is gonna suck ass. There’s simply no means round it. I’ve given you my tips, you may watch each Chad and Brett present you the way straightforward it’s to chop their hair on YouTube. As lengthy as you realize you aren’t Chad or Brett. You’re in all probability like me, and that’s okay.
We dwell in scary instances. Everything is irritating, however cutting your hair shouldn’t be. Just do what you need. Only the individuals you reside with should see it. Zoom calls will be accomplished with out video. Hats will be worn. Just do it.
Tip: Buzz it off, homie. ‘Rona cuts. It’s the latest quarantine sport.
Please tweet all haircut footage you wish to be included on this story to @mellentuck on Twitter.